The Awesomely Procrastinating Writer's Post

Has it really been a year since I last posted on my blog? I'd like to say that my life has been such a whirlwind of activity that I simply haven't had the time to post anything here, but that is not the case. I guess the blurb under the title of my blog says it all: "Aaron Schultz writes about what he wants, whenever he wants." I guess "whenever I want" turned out to be nothing for a year.

I could make up a list of excuses of why I haven't posted in a year, and I could promise to write a whole hell of a lot more in the future, but for the millions (or dozens) of people who waited with bated breath in anticipation of any new post from me, all I can say is I probably will write some more fun stuff in the near future, so stay tuned. How's that for making a commitment?

Self-Indulgent Ramblings Post 9 From Outer Space

Because it garnered so much interest the first eight times, here's another set of self-indulgent ramblings of anything that comes to my mind. So with apologies to Ed Wood and Larry King, here's some more self-indulgent ramblings:

If I don't have a new post in months, is my blog really that "self-indulgent?"

After watching Danger 5 on Netflix, I wish I had some of whatever the writers of this show were smoking.

Seriously, that was some f-ed up shit.

I don't know why, since my book is full of f-bombs, but I still feel weird using the f-word in my blog.

My favorite name ever for a baseball player: Doug Fister.

Yes, I am immature.

My unabashed, no holds barred review of The Avengers: Age of Ultron: Just basically more of the same, but that's not a bad thing.

Ever since watching Kingsmen: The Secret Service, whenever I hear the song, "Freebird," I want to pummel everyone around me for the next ten minutes.

How many more new Marvel superhero movies and television shows before they finally get to Namor the Submariner?

Daredevil on Netflix is pretty great, though. Especially the Kingpin, who always sounds angrily constipated to me.

This deflated football scandal doesn't seem to want to go away.

Nope, no more new jokes about "deflated balls." I think they have been all used up.

Kind of like my balls. There, had to squeeze in one more.

Like I said in my last post, I really don't mind that my cover of I Am Annoyed is featured in Kindle Cover Disasters, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit that it's weird to have my book lumped with other titles like Senior Sex Parties 3 and Pounded In the Butt By My Own Butt.

To be fair, Pounded In the Butt By My Own Butt could be the funniest title ever.

I have no idea how that would work, though. And I really don't wish to find out.

And on that note, I must depart, thanks for reading. I'll be back again some time in the future.

My Book Cover is a KINDLE COVER DISASTER!!!

Really? My book is featured in a popular tumblr? Because my cover sucks?!!!

I believe the best way an unknown author can get some great publicity is if a popular website discovers his or her book, loves it, and raves about its astounding brilliance to the eager masses. I wish I could say that happened to my book. Instead, my book cover made the popular tumblr, Kindle Cover Disasters. You can view this tumblr by clicking on this link: kindlecoverdisasters.tumblr.com and check out March 2, 2015, which showcases my cover of I Am Annoyed: One Man's Rants Against This Annoying World.

I don't know if I'm like one of those terribly off key singers who go on American Idol and can't believe it when everyone ridicules their singing, but I don't think my cover is that bad. I'm not saying it's the greatest cover ever, but I don't think it's awful. Or maybe I'm just upset that I didn't come up with the cover of a woman in a passionate embrace with a horse. Actually, it doesn't bother me that my cover is there, I just wish the guy who runs the tumblr put a direct link to my book in there like he did with almost every other book. I figure maybe I could have had some curious people click on the link to the book, read my blurb and sample, laugh their asses off, and promptly buy my book. Or at worst, maybe I'd get a few pity sales.

Anyway, it doesn't matter, because recently, I changed the book cover. Now it is a completely different, vibrant, exciting work of art:

Look at how different and better my cover is!!!

Okay, I just changed the type of font, made the drawing of the annoyed guy larger, and changed the background color from white to black. Still, even at risk of sounding like a delusional moron, I like it.

And for the major reason why I chose to blog about this, here is the link to my book on Amazon: http:www.amazon.com/dp/B00GZO198C

Hey, I'll take any exposure I can get.

Surprise! My Book is on Sale Again!

Yep, my book, I Am Annoyed: One Man's Rants Against This Annoying World, is on sale for only 99 cents on Amazon from now until the end of Feb. 21! If you enjoyed my blog and want to read all my somewhat profane and hopefully, hilarious rants about everything in this world that annoys me, please click on this link: www.amazon.com/dp/B00GZO198C

Thanks for your time.

Self-Indulgent Ramblings Part VII: Aaron Schultz and the Snarky Hallows Part II (Which Really Makes This Part VIII)

Because it has been such great fun the first seven times, here's some more self-indulgent ramblings on anything that comes to my mind. So, with apologies to Harry Potter (the movie versions) and Larry King, here's some more self-indulgent ramblings:

I've recently discovered the El Rey network (check your local listings). A weekly Lucha wrestling show and tons of classic martial arts movies? I may never leave my house.

Is there such a thing as watching too much football? I don't think I've hit that point yet.

That said, if they start playing the Summer's Eve Douche Bowl, that might be pushing it.

Well, I might have had correctly predicted this season's Super Bowl winner (to see the prediction I made last September, check out Self-Indulgent Ramblings Part VI), except for the ten or so things that went wrong.

Yeah, I'm still bitter about it.

I'm not mature enough to not snicker when sports commentators continue to talk about "deflated balls."

I think out of all the shows that ended last year that I watched regularly, I might miss The Newsroom the most.

Unfortunately, because of my cynicism, I don't believe any of the characters in The Newsroom would really exist in our world.

So, how soon before they remake The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit? I'll say within five years.

After watching Into the Woods, I'd like to spend one day just breaking out into song at random moments.

Or maybe I'll just spend a few days running around frantically in the woods.

Of course, that would probably the final straw that ends up putting me into the nearest mental institution.

Since HBO brought back The Comeback after nine years, how about bringing back Carnivale and Deadwood?

I know I mentioned that in the last ramblings, (which was Part VII Part I), but until they bring these shows back (highly unlikely), I will continue to bitch about it.

I'm even more confused about time travel after watching the trailer for the next Terminator movie.

One thing I've learned in the last year: If you're going to write a satire about a dictator, make him a fictional one.

I think it would have been hilarious if they ended The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part I in mid sentence.

It would be kind of like if they

TO BE CONTINUED

Yep, My Book is On Sale Again

My delightful book, I Am Annoyed: One Man's Rants Against This Annoying World, is once again on sale on the Kindle for only 99 cents from now until the end of Saturday, Nov. 22! So, if you've been entertained by this blog, you'll probably love this book. Here's the link to the book for your convenience:

www.amazon.com/dp/B00GZO198C

Thanks for your time.

Self-Indulgent Ramblings Year VII: Aaron Schultz and the Snarky Hallows

Because it's been such a popular part of my blog, it's time once again for some ramblings on anything that crosses my mind. So, with apologies to Harry Potter and Larry King, here's some more self-indulgent ramblings:

Although Matt Smith is one of my favorite Doctors, I have to say that Peter Capaldi is doing a great job on Dr. Who.

Spoilers alerts on The Walking Dead and Sons of Anarchy: the body counts are getting very, very high.

And on these shows, that's saying something.

Speaking of Sons of Anarchy, I've just found out after watching it for years that the guy that plays Otto is actually the creator of the show.

You know, if I created a show and decided to play one of the characters, I wouldn't choose the one who constantly gets beaten, tortured, and occasionally anal raped.

My unabashed, no holds barred review of A Walk Among the Tombstones: It was decent, but WHY DO THEY ALWAYS HAVE TO CHANGE SO MUCH STUFF FROM THE BOOK? WHY CAN'T THEY KEEP THINGS ALMOST EXACTLY THE SAME?

Okay, sorry, I'll calm down a little.

If they ever made a movie version of my book, I Am Annoyed: One Man's Rants Against This Annoying World, (unlikely, I know), the character based on me would be younger, better looking, have more hair, probably shorter, and would be just slightly irritated instead of annoyed.

So, I thought the series finale of Boardwalk Empire was pretty satisfying, but...
WHY DID HBO CANCEL DEADWOOD AND CARNIVALE BEFORE THEY HAD THE CHANCE TO WRAP THINGS UP???? I KNOW THIS IS YEARS AFTER THE FACT, BUT IT STILL BOTHERS ME!!!

Oh yeah, I was supposed to calm myself down. Sorry.

After you watch Dracula Untold, from then on should you call it Dracula Told?

Speaking of which, here's my unabashed, no holds barred review of Dracula Untold!: Actually, this review will stay untold.

I wouldn't condone it (repeating for emphasis so I don't get into trouble, I wouldn't condone it), but people lurking around in public places dressed as creepy clowns are just asking to be assaulted.

Hell, just seeing anyone walking around dressed as a "normal" clown would freak me out.

If my life depended on the outcome of a baseball game, Madison Bumgarner would be my pitcher.

Why my life would ever depend on a baseball game, I have no idea, and why Madison Bumgarner would decide to be my pitcher, I don't know.

I enjoy watching Gold Rush even though I would never trust myself to operate any of the machinery they use on the show. #Mechanically Inept

I'm pretty sure if I worked for Tony Beets, he would have me crying within ten seconds.

Adam Copeland, WWE Superstar Edge (greatest billing ever) on Haven is giving one of the best acting performances ever by a pro wrestler.

Still the greatest of all time, though, Rowdy Roddy Piper in They Live.

Baseball season is over, hockey and basketball seasons have already started, and we're already at the halfway point of football season. I think a sign of getting old is how quick the time seems to fly for me on these sports seasons .

However, no matter how old I get, the political campaign season always seems to drag on and on.

There are elections Tuesday, though, and I'd tell everyone to go out and vote, but, really, if you need me to tell you that, there probably is no hope for you.

Daylight savings time is the stupidest idea ever in the Spring, but it's great in the Fall.

And with that, it's time for me to go, thank you for reading.